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Driver’s Ed

March 25, 2007

I’ve been doing alot of driving these past few days. Visit to my parents, visit to DH’s parents, catching up on shopping, etc. So, for those of you who need a few driving reminders:

1. Dashboard. You can sometime stick a silly animal or something on it. You should NOT stick a portable DVD player on it so the driver can watch videos. Yes, you in the Buick, I’m talking to you. I almost drove off the road in shock and surprise when I saw you going 40mph and watching your DVD player. You can’t blame it on someone else in the car – you were by yourself.

2. Turn Signal. This is that thing that lets others drivers know that you are going to change lanes. It helps to use it before making the switch instead of as you switch. And really, if you understood how long it takes an 8 year old, 4,000+ pound Grand Caravan to stop then you wouldn’t cut me off.

3. Gas pedal. This is the one on the right. You use it to make the car go faster. You should consider using it if you are in the left lane and going 10 miles under the posted speed limit. Really, it’s okay to use it. I won’t tell anyone. Just press down a little. Because the guy behind me is right on my bumper and thinks I’m the one crawling along. Otherwise, use your turn signal (see above) and change to the slower right hand lane. Thanks.

4. Horn. If I’m stopped in a work zone it’s not necessary to use this. Maybe you didn’t notice the 10 bright orange flags, 5 “Work Zone” signs, and the big man in a fluorescent vest waving a “Stop” sign at me. I don’t like being stuck in this traffic either but all that horn is going to accomplish is making my kids cry. It is also unnecessary to use this if I am stopping at a cross walk to allow a little old lady using a walker to make it safely across the street. I can tell you would prefer that I run her over but I don’t think my kids need to have their mom spend time in jail. Sorry.

5. Steering Wheel. This is that big round thing that you use to keep your car on your side of the road. Those double yellow lines are pretty simple. You stay on your side and I’ll stay on mine. It’s not hard.

6. Intersections. This is the point where one road meets another road. Cars take turns passing through said intersection. Yes, car load of teenagers, I realize that you just want to stop there for a minute. And that it would probably kill you to park around the corner and *gasp* have whomever you’re picking up walk a block to the car. But, it’s really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really dangerous to stop in what is pretty much the middle of a busy three way intersection.

7. Windshield. This is what you should be looking out of. It’s the big glass thing in front of you. I know that you really want that last bit of popcorn at the bottom of the bag. I get hungry too. But, it’s probably not a good idea to tip that bag up over your face while driving down a street where a million kids play.

I know I’m not the best driver in the world. I’ve got two distractions, err, toddlers, in the backseat. But, I try my best, follow the rules, and certainly don’t watch DVDs on the highway. My experiences these past few days are enough to make me want to start walking everywhere. Or move to Nunavut, Canada which has no roads leading to it and can only be reached by plane.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Swistle permalink
    March 25, 2007 6:17 pm

    This was so funny. I love a good quality rant like this. And MAN do I hear you, especially #4. I am usually a nice patient, understanding driver, the kind who thinks, “Maybe he just found out his wife had an accident and he’s racing to the hospital” when some pinehole goes tearing around me, but I have a really hard time not leaping from the car and applying a Vulcan grip to people who honk at me when I’m stopped at, for example, a red light with a “no right turn on red” sign, or at a crosswalk. And because I’m in a minivan, people can’t see around me very well and I think they should give me the benefit of the doubt rather than, as one man did, swooping around me and nearly running down the pedestrian I was stopped for.

  2. M-j permalink
    March 26, 2007 12:22 pm

    Almost as if I had written it myself. I loathe driving, honestly. It is the other drivers that make it bad for me.
    Don’t. Talk. About. Cellphones…

  3. Rachel permalink
    March 26, 2007 3:47 pm

    Could you please send this to all the area high schools so they can add it to their driver’s ed curriculum. Obviously this stuff needs to get taught because people are crazy!

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