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"Goodnight Nobody"

May 24, 2007

Have you ever “met” a character in a book that you wish lived next door? I’m currently reading “Goodnight Nobody” by Jennifer Weiner. It’s about Kate Klein, a mom of three who moves to a CT town only to find that the entire town is only comprised of perfect and even more perfect moms. Even more it’s about the loss of identity as a SAHM in a suburban town. (There’s also a whole part about finding a dead body and playing detective and stuff.)

What really spoke to me is how inferior and without purpose Kate feels. I wanted to hug her and invite her over for a playdate. Because I completely understand what it’s like to be the only one on the playground without perfectly applied makeup (I’ve never been a make up person even when I did have tons of time in the morning to get ready), the only one in jeans and a baggy t-shirt (complete with baby snot on the front), and the only one without some trendy $200 diaper bag filled with organic snack foods (I still use the free bag from the hospital from time to time). Kate and I even have the whole “we’re both twin moms” thing to bond over.

If I wasn’t already hooked, then I would have been when I read the following passage:
If one woman announced she was using recycled paper diapers, the mother next to her was using cloth, and the woman next to her was using cloth diapers she had personally sewn. If one mother was feeding her child only organic food, then Mommy Number Two was feeding her kid vegetarian organic cuisine, and the mommy after her was an organic cruelty free vegan who gave her children only cucumbers and carrots grown in her backyard, nourished with mulch she composted herself. (Weiner, pg22)

I’ve had those conversations. Which usually end when I point out that I just use whatever diaper is cheapest (Target), I feed them whatever is least likely to stain and most likely to stay in their mouths. (Okay, I have succeeded in keeping them off sugar and mostly on whole grains.) When I thought I was having one baby I researched cloth diapers, making my own baby food, and all kinds of things. Upon learning it was a two for the price of one pregnancy, I ditched all of the cloth diaper websites in favor of twin mom survival guides. This is a rare example of how having twins made me less crazy.

Thankfully, I don’t have these conversations too often. Most of the moms I’ve met lately have been through my twins club. This is my favorite part of having twins. I feel like these women are less judgemental, less competitive, and way more understanding than my “singleton mom” friends. For instance, when the girls were just a few months old, a friend of mine with a then one year old sent me a two page email on why I should keep trying direct breastfeeding (I was making the move to pumping full time – which despite her dire predictions, I successfully did for 14+ months). She also almost died of horror when she saw that I used a pacifier and (*gulp*) gave them (hushed whisper, cue scary music) formula. Whereas, my twin mom friends were more of the attitude that it was really good of me to even feed them. (Okay, I’m exaggerating a little.)

At any rate, I better finish up this post so I can get back to reading more about Kate’s adventures.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. Domestic Goddess permalink
    May 24, 2007 2:09 am

    Goodness.
    More fodder for the Mommy Wars. I hate that competitive bull sh*t. I really do.
    And, if it makes you feel better, if we met on a playground (hopefully soon!) youd be showered and i likely wouldn’t. And you’d be better dressed and so would your kids. I am soooo much like you. I just love those over-achieving moms. I bet they were the kids in school that had perfect hair, never had holes in their socks, never smeared their creative writing projects and had their artwork selected for the SPECIAL bulletin boards.

  2. Lynne permalink
    May 24, 2007 2:53 am

    I think we need to be neighbors!

  3. Lynne permalink
    May 24, 2007 2:56 am

    Oh, and we do get a multiple sibling discount on the swim lessons. Email me if want more info.. andbabiesmakesix[at]gmail[dot]com

  4. Rachel permalink
    May 24, 2007 12:04 pm

    And here I thought I was the only one on the playground in the jeans and baggy t-shirt with no make-up in my back-pack cheapy diaper bag. I am SO not into the whole competitive mommy stuff!

    And I LOVED that book too.

  5. Swistle permalink
    May 24, 2007 4:41 pm

    I like that about twin moms, too: there’s more of a “survival” feeling about their choices, and they seem more understanding about making different choices. I know a lot of moms of singletons who are just as great, but I think the percentage of twin moms like this is higher. My favorite line: “my twin mom friends were more of the attitude that it was really good of me to even feed them.”

  6. carrie permalink
    May 25, 2007 2:30 am

    please move closer to me!! i just finished the book and felt the SAME way…although I have been lured into Trader Joe’s so I guess by default the girls are getting some organic stuff, right?

  7. LiLi permalink
    March 8, 2008 1:40 am

    LOVE LOVE LOVE that book!!! And, I don’t fit in any of the mommy groups around here, I don’t have twins, but I have three children, the last two are 16 months apart. The oldest is only 4. I’ll never win mommy of the year, I’m OK with it!

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